Thursday, 31 March 2011

A year in the death: March

It was R's birthday on Sunday. He would have been 49.
That's no age to be absent from the party, is it?

It is still difficult to fully take in the fact that he has gone. Even though to the outside world I think I appear pretty together these days, I still walk around with that massive R-shaped hole in my heart.

This year I turned down the couple of offers of company I received. It seemed like the right time to get through a birthday on my own.

In the event, though, I didn't have to go through the day alone. No, Bunny, WomanNShadow's travelling Ambassador of Grief and Whimsy arrived the day before. (And many, many thanks to Boo for making sure she arrived on time). I shall talk about Bunny's magical effect in another post, but suffice to say she was a gentle and calming influence on the way over there.

There were daffodils to take from the garden, of course. R's favourite flowers.

Bunny listened all the way as I told her about birthdays long past - both his and mine. We had to take the long way around as the bridge is out on my normal route, but it didn't seem to matter. We were not in a hurry.
We sat by his grave for a long time.

I talked. Bunny listened.
I cried. She understood.

Moose came and sat down and whispered in her ear too!

Then we went up the hill to look at the view.
It was a grey, cold day. The mist had descended and the lack of sun meant that it didn't clear at all. But somehow the dense mist in the valley bottom had an ethereal feel to it, cutting off the hillside from the rest of the world.
For one day at least.


  1. I;m glad you had a companion like Bunny for the day J.

  2. tears in my eyes. i am so glad Bunny got there in time to share this day with you. it has been my fervent hope that she soothes all of you the way she soothes me. thank you for having her and allowing her the honor of being there for you, for being a quiet, soft, fuzzy friend. peace.

  3. oh the photo of moose and bunny......

  4. crying too. and yes, that pic of Moose and Bun is so touching!

    Happy Birthday, R x

  5. I'm so sorry for your loss, but the visit from bunny is just magical. Thank you for sharing it.

  6. I didn't know he was so young. I hope you are doing fine. Come back! Xx