When the New Year came I realised it was time to get back to my desk. Partly because if I didn't do it then, I probably would never be able to get going again and partly because the household income had reduced to zero overnight and the savings were not going to last forever. (A post on the joys of getting probate when you are unmarried and there is no will I shall leave for another day!).
Possibly the one good thing about the current recession is that the work has picked up very slowly. Perhaps a little too slowly at times, but it has allowed me to retrain the thinking muscles at a gentle pace. However, concentration often eludes me still, deadlines are difficult to meet unless very generous, and my confidence levels remain at an all-time low.
So when a client recently asked me to go on a fact-finding mission / meet-the-end-customer trip, my first reaction was to make my excuses and hide under the desk for a few days. But all the little obstacles that I raised to make the whole trip impossible were somehow overcome and it soon became obvious that I wasn't going to be able to get out of it without appearing a total numpty.
Monday morning therefore saw me loading up the car for the trip up North, leaving my Wonderful BIL and the plasterer working on the house and having to make their own cups of tea for a couple of days.
Of course there were tears when I got back home and he wasn't here to tell all about it. I was also greeted by white plaster dust footprints all over the house, a sulky dog and a sick chicken. Even so, I had a glimpse of 'normality' for a couple of days and it now doesn't seem quite such an unattainable goal. This feeling may not last, but at least I know it is possible again.