Not having a great week, but holding on by my fingertips. The Anniversary is looming, and I just don't seem to be able to stem the tide of tears.
So I go back to first principles which, for me, means rushing around doing stuff and being physically active to the point of exhaustion. I'm sure it's just displacement activity, but I know that if I'm knackered, I sleep.
And at least the grass looks good tonight, the compost bins are variously emptied, turned or refilled, the house is clean from top to bottom, all the ironing is done, the raspberries are harvested and in the freezer, the winter brassicas sown and the hens have nice clean houses to sleep in.
Phew! No wonder I'm pooped!
(And Mother Hens are very much appreciated around here).
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i'm sorry you're not having a good week. i'll keep you in my thoughts as The Anniversary comes around. i'm glad you had so many physical, outdoor things to do. fresh air. the satisfaction i read in those sentences comes through. i hope you do sleep tonight, and the next, and on through this time of memories and sorrow. treat yourself kindly.
ReplyDeletethese "dates" are so hard aren't they? Even harder than usual. At least you have recognized your "coping mechanism" and using it (busy busy busy). When is the actual date? Are you going to do something on the day to commemorate R? If you don't have anything in mind, I'd strongly recommend sleeping for the whole day and night - I did on my wedding anniv last week. Wish I was a little closer to Wales ... I could join you in raising our glasses. (I will anyway ... raise my glass to R on the day).
ReplyDeleteHow normal of you to cry.
ReplyDeleteI send you warmth and good wishes for sleep.
@ WomanNShadows: Thank you for your kind thoughts. I am a simple soul, and fresh air and sleep do seem to help me a lot. It is when they are both lacking that I have my worst times, I think. Hope you are bearing up too.
ReplyDelete@ Boo: I have two dates, which doesn't help. He effectively died on the 2nd, but since that coincided with his niece's 18th birthday, we are all glossing over that and concentrating on his 'official' date of the 5th.
@ CC: Yes, it is normal and I do my best to accept it as such. Thank you for your good wishes. They all help.
No that really doesn't help ... I suspect that the whole 4 days/or week will all blur into one. And unfortunately, I don't think even I could sleep solidly for 4 days, let alone you. I hope you have people around you through this time, and that you also have solitude to let it out (with Moose). It's horrible. Try to remember this - that you have survived a whole year, the worst year of your life. You will make it ... as tough as it is. Sending you a huge bear-hug J. xx
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