Monday, 20 July 2009

Calmer skies

My melancholy mood loomed dark and dreich over my head for most of last week, just like the stormy skies. Whether it was caused by too much work, too little sleep or the disappearance of Summer, I can't really say. Whatever the reason, it wasn't going to shift of its own accord; it was one of those teary spells that I can only clear by sitting quietly beside R's grave for a while.

It wasn't until Saturday afternoon that I had time to go and, by then, the burial field was looking very lush and overgrown, and as in need of cutting as my own paddock. In the drizzle, the wind turbines on the opposite hill were totally obscured by the low cloud.

I noticed that R had two new neighbours, so I went over to say hello to them and introduce myself as I always do. It seems only polite, and I hope that anyone who spots R's little stone as they are walking past will do the same.

Then I settled down beside his grave for one of our rather one-sided chats. As it was R who did most of the talking in life, I prefer to think of these rather as me simply catching up.

I didn't stay for long as the rain started to worsen, and my shoes and skirt were quickly soaked through. Even Moose was less inclined to mooch around than he normally is and came and sat beside me with a big sigh, as if to ask why on earth I was sitting there in the pouring rain.

So the two soggy specimens slowly made their way back down the hill, thankful that there was unlikely to be anyone else out braving the elements to see the sorry sight.

Now the skies are clearer, my heart is calm again and I feel stronger to face the week ahead. No great revelations, just a gentle feeling of peace.


  1. I'm glad you found some peace with R.

    Sometimes we need to go somewhere special to reconnect. It's strange how that can work, and yet it really does.

    Hoping for clearer skies for you ahead.

  2. i am also glad you have found that feeling of peace. you don't have to write of any great revelations or epiphanies. anything you wish to say you will have us here to read, to connect to. thank you for the beautiful picture.

  3. The correlation between the weather and your mood strikes me as significant and profound. I pictured you sitting at R's grave in the rain and just felt such empathy. It was like the rain perhaps represented the tears and sorrow in your heart/soul.

    I remember the night of my husband's memorial service (11/11). There was a dense fog covering and I had the distinct impression that the fog enveloping me was also a hug coming from my husband. It actually felt as though the fog was putting its arms around me.

    You live in a beautiful part of the world. I hope that the nature surrounding you will continue to provide comfort.

    All the best.

  4. I don't know why, but I had a feeling that you were having a bad week ... sometimes we do, and we just have to work through it. The important thing is simply to accept it and "be". But at the time it is sh1t isn't it.

    I wish you a peaceful calm week ahead and send you a hug xx

  5. J - just being a clucky mother hen and checking on you ... you have gone very quiet. Hope it's because you are out and about or busy with work ... and that the skies are still relatively clear and calm around you, literally and metaphorically HUGS x