I had decided it was time.
Time to take my superhero knickers out of the underwear drawer and go battle some demons.
The local First Responders group held its AGM and social evening on Friday, and I resolved to go. In previous years there has been a bit of business, followed by some wine, nibbles and chatting and then a session introducing newbies to the CPR dummies.
I figured I could manage the first two and would simply go home when the last bit started.
The business part of the meeting was boring. But that is fine - boring is good.
Standing around chatting was fine too, apart from one conversation I had with a man who kept on going on and on about how he had read on the Internet that the use of a defibrillator can cause blood clots. I just wanted to slap him hard around the face and scream, "But at least you would be still ALIVE, you moron!" What I actually did was to excuse myself, run to the loo and do some deep breathing for a few minutes.
It was nowhere near as satisfying.
After a couple of glasses of wine I was starting to feel quite relaxed, and was wondering if I could handle the Little Annie showdown after all. At which point I saw the training coordinator taking the bags with the dummies back out to his car. Apparently there was no one new there to sign up so they weren't going to bother.
I wasn't sure whether to feel relieved that I didn't have to face up to it or annoyed that I would have to work myself up to this point again. So I am now trying to decide whether to ask to bring one of the dummies home with me or whether it would freak me out totally having one in the house.
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Hmm. Could you put it in the barn or would that still freak you?
ReplyDeletedummy in the barn would freak me out.
ReplyDeleteI think it was a good trial run. And you get massive points for showing up. That the dummies went back to the car is not because you weren't entirely superhero. I mean, dummies or no actual dummies, you were entirely superhero.
I sure understand this. We had a first aid course at work and I actually left in tears at one point. Watching my husband's last moments of life happen while the doctors and nurses took turns doing CPR has made the whole idea of CPR extremely traumatic. I hope that one day I can cope long enough to refresh my knowledge but for now I have to stay very far away from the dummies. Glad to know I'm not alone in this.
ReplyDeleteI think a body in the barn might just freak me out completely. Not to mention the fact that the ducks would poo on it!!!
ReplyDeleteI think you are immensely brave not to have chickened out. Well done J. That must have been so hard, and I wish I'd been with you because I'd have yanked that moron out of there and told him to think about who he's talking to and what he's saying. OK, he probably didn't know, but that's no excuse ;-)
ReplyDeleteI can well understand how you feel. It's brave that you went, but it's probably just too soon to be confronted by objects that trigger upsetting thoughts. I'm still at that point about certain objects and places as Don and I had to spend so much time at hospitals, chemo labs, and radiation departments. I just can't face anything like that right now and will have to give myself more time. I know it will go away eventually as I felt this way for about 3 or 4 years after going through basically the same when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. After enough of a break, I seemed to become desensitized and was okay. Might take longer this time though.
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