Sometimes I get sick of thinking about myself all the time.
Every now and again I have days that show there can be an alternative to this obsessive solipsism.
Of late, my BIL has been staying for a couple of nights each week to get work done on the extension. This has been such a pleasant change. It means that I get to cook for someone else, make up a bed, vacuum up crumbs, wash towels and perform all the other little acts that mean there is another human being in the house.
BIL can be a grumpy old curmudgeon. He hogs the TV remote, leaves cups lying around the house, retunes all my radios and always seems to be in the bathroom when I want to use it. But it is so nice to have someone else to talk to at breakfast time.
Today a girlfriend came round to moan on my shoulder and to offload about her nightmare in-laws. She brought cake, we drank tea and together we put the world to rights for a couple of hours.
I don't know that I actually helped with her situation at all, but was good to think about someone else's troubles for once. To be just a friend, rather than a friend-in-need.
This evening I was in the garden planting up some herbs and making a long, long mental list of everything I need to do this weekend. A list that didn't include seeing other people on it. I was trying to be sanguine about it and just about succeeding when some neighbours popped their heads over the gate. "We are off down to the pub for a swift one before supper. Care to join us?"
Care?
I had changed my shoes, grabbed my purse and was out the door before they could draw breath!*
And for a short time we talked about all the things that people talk about down the pub. R had the odd mention in passing, but otherwise nothing about dead people at all. It feels slightly disloyal to say that felt good, but it did.
It has been a whole day of normal.
Not the old normal that had R in it. It's a new normal that allows me to feel like me again, rather than the strange, semi-detached widow creature who seems to dog my every step.
I like that me and hope she comes to visit again soon.
* I really am not quite the dipsomaniac that my recent posts might suggest. Honest!
Friday 29 May 2009
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I totally understand what you mean about getting sick of thinking about yourself all the time! I even begin to bore myself! When I have an opportunity to provide advice to friends or listen to their issues, I come out feeling much less helpless and inadequate. It helps to be on the other side. Not that I can do it that often but it is nice to offer words of wisdom that have helped me - kind of like completing the circle...
ReplyDeleteYes, that is so true.
ReplyDeleteI have never felt the truth of the old adage 'It is better to give than to receive' more than I do now. However grateful one is, always being on the receiving end of help does seem to have a strength-sapping effect.
And yet, we want to help. Your neighbors helped.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear of your normal evening.
CC: And the people who are 'just there' are the very best help of all. Truly they are.
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